16 to 24

Once again the question that was always in my mind, at least for my younger years is “Am I the only one?”

Along with the obvious “Am I abnormal, strange a weirdo, a freak, oddball, mentally subnormal. Why do I like being spanked? And why especially with a ladies slipper.

I think society today is a lot more tolerant, well at least it claims to be that is was on the 1970s. I do remember half admitting a lot of things to the punks and even some of the teachers at school. Like by the time I was in my last year at school I would suggest to the female (not the male) staff that they should put me over a table and thrash me. Of course this was now the 80s and they never did, some were a little embarrassed by it.

On leaving school I am now outside in the real world. I suppose this is when the learning curbs really begun, because to say I was confused would be an understatement. This confused learning curb was to last many years and it would be fair to say up until my 30s.

Sex wise what I knew you could write on a stamp, with the females I would run the opposite direction if they even started to show interest. Suffice to say you could say I was more than a little bit unconfident.

I was sixteen and I wasn’t thinking of being females of my own age. I was still fantasising about being spanked by women who were at their tea time stages in life. It was plainly obvious that this little fetish of mine was firmly cemented in and was never going to leave me. In a lot of ways I withdrew into myself and my ambitions of wanting to become a pop star. Without a doubt I was defiantly living in cloud cuckoo land. I had never been one to mix with too many people, I had always been insular and I had always tried to be my own person.

Please trust me when I say I am not complaining about this because eventually this all paid off and I didn’t have a terrible terrible time of things. However I didn’t have it easy either.

It was at this time that I discovered the top shelf magazine. The first one I ever bought was “Spanking Letters” which cost £3 and back then when you only had £25 a week Youth Training Scheme allowance was very expensive.

With the top shelf magazines I learned very quickly to purchase them from Indian shops because the Indians seemed much more discreet than the English. The Indian shops would discreetly put the magazine in a bag for you take your money and that was it, transaction over. The English people however would want to stand there and have a conversation with you which would be embarrassing.

Also at this stage I started to discover shops in London that catered for this type of thing one being “love joys” (no relation to the TV program) and another called Janus which I seriously have respect for.

Janus the shop in Compton Street Soho must have been open since the early 70s and is still open today. The never seemed to have a problem with you going in the shop and browsing through the mags before you bought, so longs as you did buy.

I think to a degree some of the people in the shop did eventually begun to recognise me because at the time I was so young.

At the age of 18 I visited my first dominatrix and was Slippered for the first time in say 4 years. This wasn’t exactly the most memorable occasion. God bless the woman who did it but she wasn’t exactly mature. Its just a case of the money was there so I thought why not.

Around this time also a couple had answered a contact I had placed in a magazine seeking a strict aunty. Like I have already said I was very naive back then and this was to be first time I had ever had sexual intercourse properly.

On reflection I took a serious risk because her husband was a bouncer in a Wigan night club and I never was 100% sure of his intentions. He was also built like a brick shit house and scared the living daylights out of me. Having said this they were both very accommodating to me and naturally I did get my backside tanned by Aunty Rita. I was to see Aunty Rita at least four times. Once when I went to Wigan, the other times she came down Richmond and we stayed in bed and breakfast.

After this experience I did start to become a little more confident with women though not as confident as I probably should have been. Also the fact remained if I dared mention any of this spanking lark they would run a mile. I don’t think this was because it was so wrong to have a spanking fetish it was more the fear of the unknown and how society perceive people like us. At times I did take the risk and I did let partners know. However there were a few occasion where this out of spite and much to my embarrassment was spread about the town where I use to drink.

It was about at the age of 24 I started to realise that I was not the only one, however at that time my youth had faded. I can’t sit here and say I had a wasted youth because I didn’t however some aspects made it very difficult to feel like the rest. I had a lot of guilty feelings not only for being into the spanking thing, but for also being into things like punk rock.

About this time I got in trouble with the police which came close to prison I also started a relationship with smoking weed as a form of escapism